There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither
apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is
in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn’t canine.
English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t
sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are
square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing,
grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of
booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese?
Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse,
2 lice. One house, 2 hice?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
eat?
Why do people recite at a play, and play at arecital?
Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship?Have noses
that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive
on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a
wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as
heck another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill
in a form by filling it out and an alarm clockgoes off by
going on. You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and
off a bus. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when
the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I
wind up this essay, I end it?
English is a silly language … it doesn’t know if it is
coming or going!!!

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